Fwd: Difference between dogs & cats, plus current events

I don't usually pass stuff along, but this was pretty funny.

Cathy, west central IL, z5b

Begin forwarded message:
>
>
> Subject: The Differences Between Dogs and Cats
>
> As the current keeper (I won't say owner) of four cats and the former
> owner of dogs, I'd say this about hits it on the head....
>
> As seen in a dog's diary:
>
> * 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
> * 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> * 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!			
> * Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
> * 2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
> * 3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
> * 4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
> * 6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
> * 7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
> * 8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> * 9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
> * 11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
>
> As seen in a cat's diary:
>
> Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with  
> bizarre
> little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I  
> am forced
> to eat dry cereal.
>
> The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
> satisfaction that
> I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another  
> houseplant.
>
>
> Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet  
> while they
> were
> walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs.   
> In an
> attempt
> to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced  
> myself to
> vomit
> on their favorite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed.
>
> Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an  
> attempt to make
> them
> aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their  
> hearts.
> They
> only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.  
> Hmmm, that
> did not
> work according to plan...
>
> There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.  I was  
> placed in
> solitary
> throughout the event.  However, I could hear the noise and smell  
> the food.
> More
> important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of  
> inducing
> "allergies."
>
> I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage.  I am
> convinced the
> other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.  The dog is routinely
> released and
> seems more than happy to return.  He is  obviously a half-wit.
>
> The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks  
> with them
>
> regularly.  I am certain he reports my every move.  Due to his current
> placement
> in the metal room, his safety is assured.  But I have patience, I  
> can wait,
> it
> is only a matter of time...
>
>
>
> Subject: State of the Union/Groundhog Day
>
>
>
> This year, both Groundhog Day and The State of the Union Address  
> fall on the same day.
>
> As Air America Radio point out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition; one
> involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little
> intelligence for prognostication; the other involves a groundhog."
>
>

>
> Subject: Keep on the up and up
>
>
> I just wanted to let you know that the new Homeland Security Bill  
> has passed again. Things will be different now and Internet surfing  
> will be tracked by what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive method."
>
>
> The FBI says you will not notice anything different.  For a free  
> demonstration, click on the link below.
>
> Homeland Security

---------------------------------------------------------------------
To sign-off this list, send email to majordomo@hort.net with the
message text UNSUBSCRIBE GARDENCHAT
Other Mailing lists | Author Index | Date Index | Subject Index | Thread Index