Re: Agenda

To all my Right-wing friends--here it is!!!  You have been wondering just 
what the Homosexual Agenda is--read on:


:-)


 The Homosexual Agenda
  8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
  
  8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 
300
  count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
  
  
  8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake 
stranger
  next to you and tell them you are
   late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" 
as
  you help him look for his far-flung underwear.
  You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last 
night, so
  you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs,
  but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
  
  
  8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name alludes you, "It was fun. I'll give 
you
  a call," as you usher him out the door,
  avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
  
  
  8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone 
number on
   it when you get to the kitchen.
  
  
  8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. 
Wonder if
   the stories you've heard about
  Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
  
  
  8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and 
the
  only shirt that is clean.
  
  
  8:45 a.m. Climb into red Miata and try not to look too much like Barbie 
driving
  one of her accessories as you pull
  out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
  
  
  9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
  
  
  9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy 
who
  spent the night at your condo.
  Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add 
"It
  doesn't matter what everyone else
  thinks, just as long as you love him."
  
  
  10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a 
client."
   Pretend not to notice her insubordinate
  roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
  
  
  10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda
  anti-humectant pomade.
  
  
  11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you 
Human
  Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes
   talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines,
  preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit
   parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
  
  
  12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know 
you
  will end up shirtless.
  
  
  12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower,
  taking ten minutes to knot your tie while
   you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of
  someone used to wearing a t-back and having
   dollars stuffed in their crotch.
  
  
  1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis 
size
  from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a
  hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, 
you
  are whisked past the Christian
   heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 
12:30.
  
  
  2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
  
  
  3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments 
(in
  addition to other nations' governments);
  destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades
  Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle;
  secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent
  children; give AIDS to as many people as
  you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and 
turn
  people away from Jesus, causing them to
  burn forever in Hell.
  
  
  4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western
  Civilization and look like you are having way
   too much fun doing it.
  
  
  4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of 
world
  conquest and being so terribly witty.
  
  
  6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
  
  
  6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
  
  7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch.
  
  7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch 
and
  actually begin shopping.
  
  8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you 
will be
   "over" by the time it gets its first review
  in the local paper.
  
  
  10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic 
queens
  who can't navigate a crowd with a lit
  cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make
  audible remark about how "trashy" people
  who still think smoking is acceptable are.
  
  
  12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
 

---------------------------------------------------------------------
To sign-off this list, send email to majordomo@mallorn.com with the
message text UNSUBSCRIBE HOSTA-OPEN
Other Mailing lists | Author Index | Date Index | Subject Index | Thread Index