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Re: Agenda

All right!  Any chance we could get some ethnic humor too?

ShayDguy@aol.com wrote:

> To all my Right-wing friends--here it is!!!  You have been wondering just
> what the Homosexual Agenda is--read on:
> :-)
>  The Homosexual Agenda
>   8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
>   8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a
> 300
>   count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
>   8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake
> stranger
>   next to you and tell them you are
>    late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry"
> as
>   you help him look for his far-flung underwear.
>   You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last
> night, so
>   you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs,
>   but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
>   8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name alludes you, "It was fun. I'll give
> you
>   a call," as you usher him out the door,
>   avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
>   8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone
> number on
>    it when you get to the kitchen.
>   8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show.
> Wonder if
>    the stories you've heard about
>   Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
>   8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and
> the
>   only shirt that is clean.
>   8:45 a.m. Climb into red Miata and try not to look too much like Barbie
> driving
>   one of her accessories as you pull
>   out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
>   9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
>   9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy
> who
>   spent the night at your condo.
>   Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add
> "It
>   doesn't matter what everyone else
>   thinks, just as long as you love him."
>   10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a
> client."
>    Pretend not to notice her insubordinate
>   roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
>   10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda
>   anti-humectant pomade.
>   11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you
> Human
>   Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes
>    talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines,
>   preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit
>    parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
>   12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know
> you
>   will end up shirtless.
>   12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower,
>   taking ten minutes to knot your tie while
>    you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of
>   someone used to wearing a t-back and having
>    dollars stuffed in their crotch.
>   1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis
> size
>   from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a
>   hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar,
> you
>   are whisked past the Christian
>    heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since
> 12:30.
>   2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
>   3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments
> (in
>   addition to other nations' governments);
>   destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades
>   Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle;
>   secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent
>   children; give AIDS to as many people as
>   you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and
> turn
>   people away from Jesus, causing them to
>   burn forever in Hell.
>   4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western
>   Civilization and look like you are having way
>    too much fun doing it.
>   4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of
> world
>   conquest and being so terribly witty.
>   6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
>   6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
>   7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch.
>   7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch
> and
>   actually begin shopping.
>   8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you
> will be
>    "over" by the time it gets its first review
>   in the local paper.
>   10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic
> queens
>   who can't navigate a crowd with a lit
>   cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make
>   audible remark about how "trashy" people
>   who still think smoking is acceptable are.
>   12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
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