Re: Agenda
What about your left wing friends?
Denise
> ShayDguy@aol.com wrote:
>
> > To all my Right-wing friends--here it is!!! You have been wondering just
> > what the Homosexual Agenda is--read on:
> >
> > :-)
> >
> > The Homosexual Agenda
> > 8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
> >
> > 8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a
> > 300
> > count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
> >
> >
> > 8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake
> > stranger
> > next to you and tell them you are
> > late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry"
> > as
> > you help him look for his far-flung underwear.
> > You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last
> > night, so
> > you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs,
> > but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
> >
> >
> > 8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name alludes you, "It was fun. I'll give
> > you
> > a call," as you usher him out the door,
> > avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
> >
> >
> > 8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone
> > number on
> > it when you get to the kitchen.
> >
> >
> > 8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show.
> > Wonder if
> > the stories you've heard about
> > Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
> >
> >
> > 8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and
> > the
> > only shirt that is clean.
> >
> >
> > 8:45 a.m. Climb into red Miata and try not to look too much like Barbie
> > driving
> > one of her accessories as you pull
> > out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
> >
> >
> > 9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
> >
> >
> > 9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy
> > who
> > spent the night at your condo.
> > Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add
> > "It
> > doesn't matter what everyone else
> > thinks, just as long as you love him."
> >
> >
> > 10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a
> > client."
> > Pretend not to notice her insubordinate
> > roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
> >
> >
> > 10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda
> > anti-humectant pomade.
> >
> >
> > 11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you
> > Human
> > Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes
> > talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines,
> > preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit
> > parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
> >
> >
> > 12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know
> > you
> > will end up shirtless.
> >
> >
> > 12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower,
> > taking ten minutes to knot your tie while
> > you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of
> > someone used to wearing a t-back and having
> > dollars stuffed in their crotch.
> >
> >
> > 1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis
> > size
> > from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a
> > hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar,
> > you
> > are whisked past the Christian
> > heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since
> > 12:30.
> >
> >
> > 2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
> >
> >
> > 3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments
> > (in
> > addition to other nations' governments);
> > destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades
> > Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle;
> > secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent
> > children; give AIDS to as many people as
> > you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and
> > turn
> > people away from Jesus, causing them to
> > burn forever in Hell.
> >
> >
> > 4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western
> > Civilization and look like you are having way
> > too much fun doing it.
> >
> >
> > 4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of
> > world
> > conquest and being so terribly witty.
> >
> >
> > 6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
> >
> >
> > 6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
> >
> > 7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch.
> >
> > 7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch
> > and
> > actually begin shopping.
> >
> > 8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you
> > will be
> > "over" by the time it gets its first review
> > in the local paper.
> >
> >
> > 10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic
> > queens
> > who can't navigate a crowd with a lit
> > cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make
> > audible remark about how "trashy" people
> > who still think smoking is acceptable are.
> >
> >
> > 12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
> >
> >
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