The Brits are coming


> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the residents of the United States of America,
>
> In view of your abject failure to elect a President and thus to govern
> yourselves, We give hereby Notice of the Revocation of your
> Independence,
> effective today at Five O'Clock Greenwich Mean Time.
>
> Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties
> forthwith over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except
> Florida, which Shall be returned to His Illustrious Catholic Majesty,
> King
> Juan Carlos of Spain.  Your new Prime Minister (The Rt Hon Tony Blair,
> for
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> outside your borders) will suggest to Her Majesty a governor-general for
>
> America without the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate
>
> will be disbanded.  A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then
> look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> at
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> raise
> your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".  Using the
> same
> twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
> "you
> know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Look up
>
> "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
> on
> your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It
> really isn't that difficult.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the
>
> good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
> of
> football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will
> no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a
> difficult
> game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
>
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
> for
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour).  We are
>
> hoping to get together at least an American rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>
> they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The
> Russians
> have never been the bad guys.
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in the British Empire.  It will be called
> "Indecisive Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
> your
> own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>
> Welcome Back.


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