The Brits are coming
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- Subject: The Brits are coming
- From: ShayDguy@aol.com
- Date: Wed, 6 Dec 2000 07:10:43 EST
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> To the residents of the United States of America,
> In view of your abject failure to elect a President and thus to govern
> yourselves, We give hereby Notice of the Revocation of your
> effective today at Five O'Clock Greenwich Mean Time.
> Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties
> forthwith over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except
> Florida, which Shall be returned to His Illustrious Catholic Majesty,
> Juan Carlos of Spain. Your new Prime Minister (The Rt Hon Tony Blair,
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> outside your borders) will suggest to Her Majesty a governor-general for
> America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
> will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of you noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
> your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
> know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
> your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> really isn't that difficult.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the
> good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour). We are
> hoping to get together at least an American rugby sevens side by 2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> have never been the bad guys.
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in the British Empire. It will be called
> "Indecisive Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
> Thank you for your cooperation.
> Welcome Back.
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