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Subject: Letter from college


> This is a replica of a letter a daughter wrote to her
> parents from college:
> 
> Dear Mom and Dad,
> 
> It has now been three months since I left for college.
> I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry
> for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I
> will bring you up to date now, but, before you read
> on,
> please sit down. 
> 
> YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY
> FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, OKAY!
> 
> Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The
> skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped
> out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire
> shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I
> only get those sick headaches once a day.  
> 
> Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump
> were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near
> the dorm and he was the one who called the fire
> department and the ambulance. He also visited me at
> the hospital and, since I had nowhere to live because
> of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to
> invite me to share his apartment with him. 
> 
> It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He
> is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love
> and are planning to be married.  We haven't set the
> exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy
> begins to show.
> 
> Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you
> are looking forward to being grandparents and I know
> you will welcome the baby and give it the love, 
> devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a
> child.  The reason for the delay in our marriage is
> that my boyfriend has some minor infection which
> prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests
> and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon
> clear up with the penicillin injections I am having
> daily. 
> 
> I know you will welcome him into our family with open
> arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he
> is ambitious.  Although he is of a different race and
> religion than ours, I know your often-expressed 
> tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the
> fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours.
> I am sure you will love him as I do. His family
> background is good too, for I am told that his father
> is am important gun-bearer in the village in Africa
> from which he came.
> 
> Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell
> you that there was no dormitory fire. I did not have a
> concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the
> hospital. I am not pregnant. I am not engaged. I do
> not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color)
> in my life.  However, I am getting a 'D' in History
> and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those
> marks in the proper perspective.
> 
> Your Loving Daughter
> 
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