(no subject)


These are pretty funny.  I wonder if they are all accurately attributed.
Whaddaya think?  Would Barbara Bush say that?  Some of them are VERY
believable.  I especially like the one attributed to Tiger Woods (again,
did he really say that?  if he did, great!).

 "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where
he lives,  but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad
it is."
 --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

 "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the
better imaginary friend."
 --Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)

 "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the
other hand, we can open all our own jars."
 --Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)

 "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't
blame everything on Satan."
 --George Burns

 "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
everywhere?  'Hold my purse.' "
 --Sandra Bullock

 "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind
of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got
millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have
sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask,
'Specify type of goat.'"
 --Jason Alexander (George Castanza on Seinfeld)

 "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
 --Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)

 "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake
whole relationships."
 --Sharon Stone

 "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to
meet people who do."
 --Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)

 "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee
- the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
 --Dan Rather (News anchorman)

 "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake
that, you're in."
 --Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")

 "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black
pimps."
 --Tiger Woods

 "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill
live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per
cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
 --Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

 "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But
imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
 --Rev. Jesse Jackson

 "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a
son-of-a-bitch."
 --Jack Nicholson
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