Children ;-)
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- Subject: Children ;-)
- From: S*@aol.com
- Date: Thu, 14 Dec 2000 11:49:57 EST
>>
>>
>> > For those who already have children past this age,
>> > this is hilarious.
>> >
>> > For those who have children nearing this age, this is
>> > a warning!
>> >
>> > For those who are grandparents, revenge is sweet.
>> >
>> > For those who have not yet had children, THIS IS BIRTH
>> > CONTROL!
>> >
>> > The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,
>> > TX (poor woman!)
>> >
>> > Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No
>> > Kidding):
>> >
>> > 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
>> > 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
>> >
>> > 2. If you spay hair spray on dust bunnies and run over
>> > them with roller blades, they can ignite.
>> >
>> > 3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
>> > crowded restaurant.
>> >
>> > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
>> > motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
>> > wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is
>> > strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four
>> > walls of a 20X20 foot room.
>> >
>> > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
>> > fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you
>> > have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a
>> > hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>> >
>> > 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't
>> > stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
>> >
>> > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words
>> > "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
>> >
>> > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots
>> > of it.
>> >
>> 9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock
>> > even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it
>> > in the movies.
>> >
>> > 10. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an
>> > overcast day.
>> >
>> > 11. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
>> > tract of a four-year-old.
>> >
>> > 12. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in
>> > the same sentence.
>> >
>> > 13. Super glue is forever.
>> >
>> > 14. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
>> > pool, you still can't walk on water.
>> >
>> > 15. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>> >
>> > 16. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
>> > commercials show they do.
>> >
>> > 17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>> >
>> > 18. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
>> > driving.
>> >
>> > 19. You probably do not want to know what that odor
>> > is.
>> >
>> > 20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
>> >
>> > 21. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
>> >
>> > 22. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a
>> > 5-minute response time.
>> >
>> > 23. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
>> > make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats
>> > dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when
>> > dizzy.
>> -------------------------------------------------------------
>> Emer Dean Broadbent, JD, PhD
>> Staff Project Coordinator, Disability Research Institute
>> University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign College of Applied Life Studies
>> 158 Rehabilitation Education Center, MC-575
>> 1207 S. Oak Street, Champaign, IL 61820 USA
>> Phone: (217)265-0279 Fax: (217)265-0358
>>
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