Real News
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- Subject: Real News
- From: S*@aol.com
- Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2000 04:30:32 EST
> > BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
> > Bush to be smitten later today
> >
> > In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation,
> under
> > God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's
> Supreme
> > Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
> >
> > "I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this
> morning
> > on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to
> lie back
> > and let Bush get away with this bullshit."
> >
> > "I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count
> in
> > Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly
> who voted
> > for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly
> 20,219 votes."
> >
> > Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
> overrules
> > the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore,
> giving
> > him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word
> for
> > possible grounds for appeal.
> >
> > "God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
> strategist Jim
> > Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential
> Election is
> > unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the
> state of
> > Florida."
> >
> > "Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises
> ahead of
> > him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
> >
> > God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
> > explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no
> grounds
> > to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
> >
> > "Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get
> real!
> > The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me?&n! bsp; I'll name
> them:
> > Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt,
> Ron..."
> > God went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
> prideful
> > ways and announced that he would officially smite him today.
> >
> > In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God
> has taken all
> > of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and
> possessions,
> > sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential
> candidate into
> > hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
> >
> > Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
>
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