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(no subject)

Dave walks into the bar and sees his friend Jeff huddled over the bar,
depressed. Dave walks over and asks him what's wrong.
"Well," replies Jeff, "you know that beautiful girl at work
that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a smile.
"Well," says Jeff, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the
courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "when are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Jeff, "but I was
worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some sellotape and taped my
dick to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible." says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Jeff, "and I rang her doorbell.
And she answered it in the sheerest, tiniest teddy you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
Jeff huddles over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."

> > > > > 2. A psychology student in New York rented out her
> > > >
> > > > > spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him
> > > >
> > > > > constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
> > > >
> > > > > needling, he snapped and beat her with an ax, leaving
> > > >
> > > > > her mentally retarded.

> While enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his
> luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar.
>  To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks
> him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump
> into a taxi and go back to her place  Later, the young man pulls out a
> cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable
>  to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand."There might be some
> matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the
> drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on
> top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy
>  begins to worry.  "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No,
> silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?
> " "No, don't be silly,"  she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is
> he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl
> takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's
> me before the operation."

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