for Southerners-delete if you wish

Got this from my uncle, I don't usually forward this kind of stuff but all 
you people from and in the South should appreciate, I sure did. N.

Things You'll Hear Only in the South...

 Exclamations...
 "Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
 "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

 Threats...
 "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
 "This'll jar your preserves."
 "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

    .       Good Things/Compliments..
     "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
     "If things get any better, I may have to
      hire someone to help me enjoy it."
      "Gooder than grits."

           The Weather...
        "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the
          dogs."
        "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a
          pepper patch."
          Wintery roads are said to be "slicker
          than otter snot "

           Descriptions...
          A bothersome person is "like a booger
          that you can't thump off."
           When something is bad then you say, "that
            ain't no count."
             If something is hard to do, it's "like
            trying to herd cats."
            He ran "like his feet was on fire and his  ass was
a-catchin"
            A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than

 Insults...
      a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
 "She's uglier than homemade soap."
 "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed,
  it said 'To be continued.'"
 "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
 "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

 (any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart)

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