Re: Not too bad

---

----- Original Message -----

From: S*@aol.com

To: S*@aol.com

Sent: Saturday, June 30, 2001 10:05 PM

Subject: Not too bad

Q: Did you hear about the Instant lotto game in India?
>
> A: You scratch the card and if the dot on the card matches
> the one on your head you win a convenience store in the US.






The top ten slogans being considered by Viagra for its new advertising
campaign: Maybe some old slogans will work
> > > > >
> > > > > 10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
> > > > >
> > > > > 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper
> > > > >
> > > > > 8. Viagra, Like a rock!
> > > > >
> > > > > 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to
> > > > > be there tonight.
> > > > >
> > > > > 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
> > > > >
> > > > > 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a
> > > > > woman!
> > > > >
> > > > > 3. Viagra, Tastes great!........., More filling!
> > > > >
> > > > > 2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
> > > > >
> > > > > And the number one slogan, being considered by
> > > > > Viagra:
> > > > >
> > > > > 1. This is your penis.........This is your penis
> > > > > on drugs. Any questions?






Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn,  so he goes
to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor prescribes camomile
lotion and viagra.
Looking a little confused Chris says, "I can understand you prescribing the
camomile lotion, but why the Viagra?"
The doctor says, "The Viagra is to keep the sheets off you at  night."




The Pearly Gates
> >
> > An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
> > St. Peter checks his
> > dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You're in
> > the wrong place."
> > So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is
> > let in. Pretty soon,
> > the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of
> > comfort in hell, and
> > starts designing and building improvements. After a
> > while, they've got
> > air-conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
> > and the engineer is a
> > pretty popular guy.
> >
> > One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says
> > with a sneer, "So,
> > how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies,
> > "Hey, things are
> > going great. We've got air-conditioning, flush
> > toilets, and escalators,
> > and there's no telling what this engineer is going
> > to come up with
> > next."
> >
> > God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a
> > mistake. He should
> > never have gotten down there; send him up here. All
> > we have are
> > architects. Everything looks pretty, but nothing
> > works."
> >
> > Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on
> > the staff and I'm
> > keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or
> > I'll sue." Satan
> > laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And
> > just where are YOU
> > going to get a lawyer?"





> So TRUE!
>
> "What Doctors Say, And What They're Really Thinking"
>
> "This should be taken care of right away."
> I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy
> and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
>
> "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
> He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
>
> "Let me check your medical history."
> I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending
> any more time with you.
>
> "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
> I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
> --or--
> I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
>
> "We have some good news and some bad news."
> The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad
> news is, you're going to pay for it.
>
> "Let's see how it develops."
> Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can
> be cured.
>
> "Let me schedule you for some tests."
> I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
>
> "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
> He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
>
> "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
> I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
>
> "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
> I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
>
> "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
> I think I'm going to throw up.
>
> "This may smart a little."
> Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
>
> "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
> I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
>
> "This should fix you up."
> The drug company slipped me some big bucks to
> prescribe this stuff.
>
> "Everything seems to be normal."
> Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
>
> "I'd like to run some more tests."
> I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab
> can solve this one.
>
> "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your
> nerves?"
> You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find
> a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
>
> "There is a lot of that going around."
> My goodness, that's the third one this week. I'd better
> learn something about this.
>
> "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
> I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank
> heaven I'm off next week.





A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found
absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and
then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure
your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your
troubles to bed with you."

"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife
refuses to sleep alone."