Fwd: [hostapix] *Notice of USA Revocation of Independence* dated 2000/11/23


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>Date: Thu, 23 Nov 2000 18:18:28 -0500
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>Subject: [hostapix] *Notice of USA Revocation of Independence* dated 
>2000/11/23
>
>  > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>  >
>  > To the citizens of the United States of America. In the light of your
>  > failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
>  > we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
>  > today.
>  > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
>  > over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
>  > which she does not fancy.
>  >
>  > Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of
>  > you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your
>  > borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
>  > further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
>  > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
>  > you noticed.
>  >
>  > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>  > rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>  > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>  > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
>  > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
>  > should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
>  > "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
>  > filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
>  > inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>  > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
>  > on your behalf.
>  > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>  > It really isn't that hard.
>  > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>  > the good guys.
>  > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>  > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
>  > to get confused and give up half way through.
>  > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one
>  > kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a
>  > very good
>  > > game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
>  > your
>  > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
>  > will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
>  > football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
>  > a
>  > difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
>  > play
>  > rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
>  > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
>  > armour
>  > like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
>  > side by 2005.
>  > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
>  > if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that
>  > there is a world outside your borders should count ourselves lucky. The
>  > Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
>  > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>  > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
>  > Day".
>  > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
>  > your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>  > we mean.
>  > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>  >
>  > Thank you for your co-operation; and hoping, everyone enjoyed their
>Thanksgivings Day Feast.  Next year, this will take place on the Queen's
>Birthday and you shall be advised accordingly.
>
>
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