Re: Lawns

**"Linda Moore" ljmoore@netnitco.net>**

This is great!  Could I forward it to another list (Wildgarden), with the
original author quoted, etc.?

Thanks!
Linda Moore

-----Original Message-----
From: Henry and Janice Jenkins <hjenkins@intop.net>
To: rose-list@mallorn.com <rose-list@mallorn.com>
Date: Friday, September 10, 1999 6:40 AM
Subject: [Rose-list] Lawns

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>>/* This one I can really relate to!  Have a great weekend! */
>>
>>"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store
>>commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a
>>lot of it die anyway.  Now I'm supposed to winterize it?  I hope
>>it's too late.  Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've
>>come up with outside of thong swimsuits!  We constantly battle
>>dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover
>>that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed
>>through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
>>
>>Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis
>>about this:
>>
>>"Frank you know all about gardens and nature.  What in the world is
>>going on down there in the Midwest?  What happened to the
>>dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?  I had a
>>perfect, no-maintenance garden plan.  Those plants grow in any type
>>of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.  The nectar
>>from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
>>flocks of songbirds.  I expected to see a vast garden of colors by
>>now.  But all I see are these green rectangles."
>>
>>"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.  The Suburbanites.  They
>>started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to
>>kill them and replace them with grass."
>>
>>"Grass?  But it's so boring.  It's not colorful.  It doesn't attract
>>butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.  It's
>>temperamental with temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites really want
>>all that grass growing there?"
>>
>>"Apparently so, Lord.  They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
>>green.  They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
>>any other plant that crops up in the lawn."
>>
>>"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really
>>fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."
>>
>>"Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
>>sometimes twice a week."
>>
>>"They cut it?  Do they then bale it like hay?"
>>
>>"Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
>>
>>"They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop?  Do they sell it?"
>>
>>"No, sir.  Just the opposite.  They pay to throw it away."
>>
>>"Now let me get this straight.  They fertilize grass so it will
>>grow.  And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
>>away?"
>>
>>"Yes, sir."
>>
>>"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
>>on the rain and turn up the heat.  That surely slows the growth and
>>saves them a lot of work."
>>
>>"You aren't going believe this Lord.  When the grass stops growing
>>so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
>>can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
>>
>>"What nonsense!  At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a
>>sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.  The trees grow
>>leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.  In
>>the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to
>>keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.  Plus,
>>as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil.  It's a
>>natural circle of life."
>>
>>"You better sit down, Lord.  The Suburbanites have drawn a new
>>circle.  As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
>>and have them hauled away."
>>
>>"No!  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
>>winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"
>>
>>"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they
>>call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
>>leaves."
>>
>>"And where do they get this mulch?"
>>
>>"They cut down trees and grind them up."
>>
>>"Enough!  I don't want to think about this anymore.  Saint
>>Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.  What movie have you
>>scheduled for us tonight?"
>>
>>"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
>>
>>"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."
>>
>>Received from Ramona F Crain.
>>
>>-=+=-
>>
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