AIS: HIST: Humor: The Wright Stuff

From: hipsource@aol.com

Greetings.

It is not often that one reads an old AIS Treasurer's Report that makes one 
laugh aloud, but this happened to me last evening, so I thought I might share 
it and also introduce the author, Richardson Wright, to those on the list who 
are not familiar with him. 

Wright was an authority on horticulture, author of about thirty books, the 
Editor of House and Garden magazine, and AIS Treasurer 1927-1937. He is that 
dark fellow in the old pictures who, frankly, always looks hung over.

Listen to this, then, from the January 1930 AIS Bulletin:

"Being treasurer of any society is so unusual an experience for me that I may 
be forgiven if I bring in a personal and somewhat unconventional report. It 
is all so mixed up with sudden death and bad arithmetic. 

On a sunny day in June, 1927, at a meeting in the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, 
the Society, in its innocence, elected me its Treasurer. Mr. Wister graced 
the occasion with some pleasantries, in the course of which he casually 
mentioned that the two previous Treasurers had died in office. A few minutes 
later, on leaving the garden, a taxi-cab missed me by three-eights of an 
inch. 

Now, when a taxi-cab misses you by three-eights of an inch you begin to think 
solemnly; you begin to take yourself and your job seriously. I vowed I would 
be as good a Treasurer of the American Iris Society as I could be, and I 
promised myself (I, who had never kept a cheque book balance) that I would be 
very careful about subtraction and addition. And with this solemn promise 
hanging over me I wrote out the first three cheques in a brand new, clean 
cheque book... At the end of six months when the accountant went over the 
books he found a ten-cent mistake in addition in those first three cheques. 
So much for my good resolution! Perhaps it had been better for the Society 
had that taxi-cab cut me down in the flower of my youth. 

However, I have continued writing cheques and putting figures into a little 
black book--most convincing figures--and every six months an accountant, 
whose mind runs to figures and columns, goes over these books, corrects them, 
and hands me a statement.[...] what his statement means I haven't the 
slightest idea, and I'm sure I'd only confuse the 1200 Iris lovers of America 
if I set it down here. However, as I've been told that I simply must make 
some sort of a report or else the directors will call on the bonding company 
that holds me for $3,000, I purpose to set down the facts so far as I am 
aware of them in my own untreasurely fashion. 

At the time I became Treasurer and that taxi-cab barely missed me, the 
Society had a Life Fund of $1,350 invested in bonds. During the succeeding 
years, whenever the life and endowment contributions could stand it, I have 
invested tidy little bits until we have $5,350 in sound bonds and mortgages."

There follow some specifics of annual income and expenditures. I am pleased 
to report that Richardson did not die until 1961. 

Now, Garden Design magazine publishes a bit from the classic gardening 
literature in most issues and it pleased them to run some bits from 
Richardson Wright in the October 1999 issue. They billed Wright as 'an 
American Jazz Age raconteur/gardener and excerpted from his "Gardener's Bed 
Book." Here is a bit that charms:

" I have always held to the theory that cows should be named from Greek 
mythology, bulls from Roman Emperors, goats after Irish saints, chickens 
after Egyptian goddesses, ducks after the minor prophets and pigs after one's 
more intimate friends. All types I have tried and only the porcine 
compliments were resented [...] so I took refuge in absurdities and next year 
the litter will be named after French perfumes." 

He was a funny man, moreover his books are full of very practical advice and 
considerable wisdom. I'm sure Henry Mitchell must have known them, indeed the 
tone is quite similar from time to time. 

Anner Whitehead
HIPSource@aol.com

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