Re: Orange Lies?

In a message dated 98-04-02 11:48:52 EST, you write:

<< 
 OK guys and gals, I mentioned that I stole the heating pad from the
 house (along with the cooler) to create my seed germinating laboratory,
 WELLLL
 last night my wife said that her neck hurt her bad and did I have any
 idea where the heating pad was. I just looked at her with my sweet eyes
 and said,
 "No Darling, I don't know where it could be." Is my stay in purgatory
 going to be extended because of this little "orange" lie? This sounds
 like a case for Dr. Wayne!
  >>
Mr. Zoo Doo,
   This is definitely a case that needs further scrutiny. A very serious
matter indeed. This is a dastardly deed. A very serious matter and something
that should be brought to a head immediately. I find it hard to believe that
someone could be so cunning , manipulating  etc. , etc. How could a loved one
treat their spouse so unfairly! It is a well known fact that when a wife asks
her husband a question, 90% of the time the wife already knows the answer. In
other words, you've been set up Joe. Poor Zoo Doo has been the first victim of
spousal pumpkin abuse for the 1998 season. Not only is your wife trying to
deprive your newborns of the warmth that they need, she is making you feel
guilty about it.    Now Mrs. Zoo Doo!  Front and center!! It is time for your
first on line therapy session from Dr. Pumkinguy .  #1 Do not ask poor Joe any
more pumpkin related questions that you already know the answer to. #2 Joe is
a warm and loving person (most pumpkin growers are) so he will be happy to rub
your neck....so don't even think of taking his electric blankey away from his
babies. After your neck rub, you will feel so refreshed that you will be ready
to help him shovel elephant manure tomorrow. Do not brow beat poor Joe with
questions like...WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT DAMN PATCH AND MOW THE
LAWN? A more constructive question would be....Honey can I assist you with
your chores in the patch before I mow the lawn?? A good marriage needs give
and take and cooperation from both sides so Joe, if your wife spends too much
time with you in the patch and it gets dark, it would only be fair if you
would help your wife too. Get some flash lights and fasten them to the lawn
mower for her. We wouldn't want your wife to veer off course at night while
mowing. She might accidentally, on purpose, cut a swath right through the
middle of your Veltman 70 pumpkin plant. #3 and finally, Mrs. Zoo Doo, it is
imperative that you get your own pumpkin plant as soon as possible for there
is nothing more fun than a husband and wife pollinating together in the patch
at the crack of dawn.....it doesn't get any better than that.
                                                    Dr. Pumkinguy
                                                     Marriage counselor
extraordinaire
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