Fear and Loathing In the Secret Patch

I've often wondered what motivates the continual malevolent
antics of the pumpkin gods.  What drives them to bestow such
unspeakable horrors on gentle nurturing pumpkin growers?  Their
treacherous creativity this year is unsurpassed and the
resulting misery index of pumpkin growers seems at an all-time
high....

I've read with dismay the tormented stories on this list and on
bigpumkins.com where growers casually reveal their personal
pumpkin tragedies - doing their best to hide their angst... but
in the background you can hear the laughter of the pumpkin gods
and you know that they're just gonna dig it in....  

There's a first time grower somewhere near you - who just threw
a seed in the ground... and will show up at the weigh-off with
a perfectly sound 1,200 pounder... They are such shits!

So - thanks to the criminal insensitivity of the pumpkin
gods... (and my own stupidity) my season has quietly slipped
down the toilet... (can you sense the angst?) and so it goes...
so it goes...  

I was going to reveal the whole horrible story... the stump
that frothed at the mouth like a rabid dog, the squirming
hordes of critters, the plagues of black aphids, the waves of
rats.  It is a truly horrific story that bleeds gallons of
vile, rotting pumpkin juice.  But - I will not give those
bastards the pleasure.....

My last lingering hope, slowly and painfully assumed a
grotesque twisted shape so hideous - the plant mercifully
aborted it at about 200 pounds.

There are still some surprises in the secret patch, some oddly
geometric, some strangely deformed, some showing glowing hints
of a glorious orange.

I just cringe at the thought of what the pumpkin gods have in
store for them....

vince


		
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