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"Punny stories"

     

     
Punny Stories
     
1.   A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
     standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. 
     After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked 
     them to disperse.  "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.
     
     "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open 
     foyer."
     
     
2.   A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
     hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his
     habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 
     p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the 
     bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. 
      Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory 
     nuts and
     set it on the bar.  The doctor came in at his regular time, took one
     sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
     
     "No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri,
     doc." 
     
3.   A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
     something to eat.  He came across two men.  One was sitting under a 
     tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
     typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and 
     devoured
     him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers
     cramp. 
     
4.   There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent
     in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
     would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
     
     
5.   A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these
     alternating recurring dreams.  First I'm a teepee; then I'm a
     wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam.  It's driving me crazy.
     What's wrong with me?"
     
     The doctor replies:  "It's very simple.  You're two tents."
     
     
6.   A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his
     mouth.  The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I
     put in for you six months ago is eroding.  What have you been eating?"
     The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my
     wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was 
     delicious... Hollandaise sauce.  I loved it so much I now put it on 
     everything, meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
     
     "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. 
Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. 
It's eaten away your upper plate.  I'll make you a new plate, and 
     this time use chrome."
     
     "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
     
     To which the dentist replies, "It's simple.  Everyone knows that 
     there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
     
     
7.   An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The
     first gave birth to a boy.  The chief was so elated he built her a 
     teepee made of deer hide.  A few days later, the second gave birth, 
     also to a boy.  The chief was very happy.  He built her a teepee
     made of antelope hide.  The third wife gave birth a few days later, but
     the chief kept the details a secret.  He built this one a two story
     teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide.  He challenged the tribe to guess
     what had occurred.  Many tried, unsuccessfully.
     
     Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given
     birth to twin boys.  "Correct," said the chief.  "How did you figure it
     out?" 
     The warrior answered, "It's elementary.  The value of the squaw of
     the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
     hides."
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