Iksnay on the umorhay? I think not!
The following message is a public humor announcement. Had this been a
really important message that had any useful information to the sport of
competitive pumpkin growing it probably wouldn't have come from
me..........yet.
Memo to Commander In Chief/United American Forces: Chris Andersen
Name: Mark A. Martinek
Rank: Captain
Ottowa St. Lawrence Grower number: 108
Reporting for duty SIR!
I have not been A.W.O.L. SIR!
Was forced to attend emergency stress reduction in the mountains
for the last four days. It was rough. First day had to pour own syrup
over French Toast. Second day had to cut own Omelette. Atrocities only
worsened for the next two days. (Mental Note: Bed and Breakfast not for
the weak of heart). I have survived the ordeal and am ready to fight to
the compost pile for my country.
With the combined firepower of the "Midwestern Maniac" (Nerve Gas
specialist Gary Keyzer), the Navel Abilities of the Legendary Wayne
Hackney, Recon by The Pumpkin Witch, Strategy by Chris Andersen, I can
rest easy knowing that America will become the "Concurbit Powerhouse" of
the future.
Sincerely,
Capt Mark A. Martinek U.S.P.F. SIR!!!
P.S. Great Idea Chris, Sending out Jack-Be-Little Pumpkin seeds to all
the "Enemies", they will have to be happy with their 98-XXX-2's and
98-XXX-4's heh heh heh.
P.P.S. It appears to me that there is a direct correlation between the
size of ones Pumpkin and the size of ones sense of Humor.
Chris Andersen wrote:
>
> Wayne,
>
> Not to worry eg., a naval invasion from the North! I am currently working on
> a bottom feeding curcubit fish. They are similar to the drug sniffing fruit
> fly the ATF is currently using. When hatched they are introduced to an odor,
> the rest of their lives they will seek out that odor and decent upon it.
> These tiny little fish a descendent from the native Mt. Toshobi parana have
> been introduced to the smell of Extreme North American curcubit, upon their
> hatching. They have been released into the lakes of the Great Northeast as
> well as a salt water version in the pacific. Upon the launch of any Canadian
> Curcubit flotilla they will decent upon their boats and rapidly eat out
> their bottoms, quickly sinking their ships. We still need to be concerned
> with regard to an aerial attack, don't know what happened to Capt. Mark M.,
> he must have gone AWOL? I think I am the number #1 subscriber to the Ottawa
> St.. Lawrence Growers Assoc.. as Well as the #1 subscriber to the Growers
> Stake, this should put me in a good position to intercept any secret weapons
> technology they may have developed or plans for attack. Will update you in
> pig Latin should this note be intercepted. This note will self distract in
> five seconds! PS. Forgot about those Delaware Chunkers, with Gary' Material
> and the Heartland Growers we should be able to put some major flack into
> the sky. I sure would hate to be hit with that one!
>
> Merlin!
> ====================================================
> >Calling all U.S. Growers, Calling all U.S. growers!,
> > I just knew it! My worst fears have been realized. The Canadians have
> >intercepted my secret coded message to Chris A. As you can see, Gus is
> already
> >starting to mobilize the troops. The Canadian pumpkin navy might out gun us
> >with their numbers and the tonnage of their vessels, but all hope is not
> lost.
> >With proper tactics and training we can prevail. Divide and conquer? Maybe.
> We
> >can't depend on any help from New Zealand or the Aussies unless we can get
> >some of them to grow pumpkins during their winter in greenhouses ( I bet
> the
> >wives would love that). I'm afraid we must go it alone. We have the better
> >part of a year to get ready for them. #1 it is of the utmost importance
> that
> >we grow as many 700 plus pounders as possible. #2 we must send agents to
> the
> >Ottawa seminar to gather intelligence.....see if there are any chinks in
> the
> >armor. #3 Gary Keyzer and the Midwest pumpkin chunkers must get together to
> >defend the heartland. I figure that Keyzer can take his fertilizer
> contraption
> >on the picnic table and modify it with the help of the pumpkin chunkers.
> That
> >could be an awesome defensive weapon, should Gus and the Sarnia boys try
> for a
> >sneak attack on Lake Michigan. How could it come to this? Scales are no
> longer
> >an effective way to settle pumpkin disputes? We must fight our battles on
> the
> >high seas? I regret that I have but one pumpkin to give to my country! We
> have
> >nothing to fear but fear itself. Now is not the time for knee jerk
> >reactions....cool heads must prevail. AMERICA......Man (and women) your
> >rototillers, pick up your manure forks, turn your compost piles. It is time
> >for all good growers to come to the aid of their country!
> > moc.loa@yugnikmup
> >(coded screen name)
> >---------------------------------------------------------------------
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> >message text UNSUBSCRIBE PUMPKINS
> >
>
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