Testing
- To: <pumpkins>
- Subject: Testing
- From: "* A* <c*@value.net>
- Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 00:38:41 -0800
>REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
>made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
>that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States
>of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension
>of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really
>is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone". Microsoft
>representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House
>with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
>that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a
>wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
>planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected
>to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft
>president Steve Ballmer.
>
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton
>stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a
>position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to
>manage the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates.
>When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to
>Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to
>say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
>should offer Gates their "full support and confidence". Clinton will
>reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has
>earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft. Gates
>dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
>"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
>U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
>Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
>abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how
>well we're doing".
>
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
>proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
>place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating
>that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes,
>increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft
>products.
>
>About Microsoft
>Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
>software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
>company offers a wide range of products and services for public,
>business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it
>easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full
>power of personal computing and free society every day.
>
>About the United States
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
>nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
>and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
>the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
>Corporation.
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