Re: Testing

Big laughs with this one! Thanks, Chris. See you in December....

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> From: Chris Andersen <chrisa@value.net>
> To: pumpkins@mallorn.com
> Subject: Testing
> Date: November 16, 1997 12:38 AM
> 
> >REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
> >made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
> >that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States
> >of America for an undisclosed sum.  "It's actually a logical extension
> >of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really
> >is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".  Microsoft
> >representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House
> >with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
> >that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a
> >wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
> >planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected
> >to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft
> >president Steve Ballmer.
> >
> >In a related announcement, Bill Clinton
> >stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a
> >position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to
> >manage the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates.
> >When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to
> >Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to
> >say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
> >should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".  Clinton will
> >reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has
> >earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.  Gates
> >dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
> >"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
> >U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
> >Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
> >abolished.  "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how
> >well we're doing".
> >
> >When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
> >proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
> >place".  Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating
> >that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes,
> >increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft
> >products.
> >
> >About Microsoft
> >Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
> >software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
> >company offers a wide range of products and services for public,
> >business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it
> >easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full
> >power of personal computing and free society every day.
> >
> >About the United States
> >Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
> >nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
> >and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
> >the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
> >Corporation.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> 
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