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Re: [aroid-l] Debate about Stink

  • Subject: Re: [aroid-l] Debate about Stink
  • From: "Ron Iles" roniles@eircom.net
  • Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2002 23:13:06 +0100

> Randy,
> I enjoyed your humour.  Yes of course I know Durian, when
most ripe said to be like eating custard through ****
So I return the matter for your (in)digestion.   It should not necessarily
as adding to the real Natural History of either your
Durian or your Titanum.  I hope the fiction is as interesting as some of
that which
I recently received
Stinky Durians are eaten either by unsmelling
animals, or coprophiles or coprophobes that can stand the stink whilst they
the custard within. The purpose of the Durian like all fruit is to disperse
seeds.  One reason for the stink is to repel little coprophobes that would
burrow into the unripe fruit & make it drop prematurely next to the parent
tree which would not be good for wide dispersal.  Having repelled the little
b***** the stinky is then free to ripen, drop, break in half & voila along
will come a BIG
hungry lumbering bear (bigger than a Titan Member) or some other animal that
can carry it & knows about the custard which then runs away manically with
the whole darn lot diispersing seed everywhere.  You see THAT's why there
are so many
stinky Durians everywhere.  So, the stink of the Durian is to REPEL.  Ok
with the story so far?

The stink of A. titanum ATTRACTS little coprophiles to pollinate
them.  But what creatures disperse the non-smelling useless fruit?
Apparently the now endangered hornbill which is stink blind anyway?  Maybe
there are other non smelling creatures to take its place when that too is
gone?  I assume titanum fruit are not stinky otherwise it couldn't be
dispersed by high class coprophobes?.   Smellers are surely not going to go
near a fruiting titanum to eat its fruit if stinky flowering plants are all
around,  If
the stinking titanum inflorescences were mixed up with fruited plants the
large coprophobes especially might not come at all.  But maybe some smelling
animals which know about the glorious custard would rush into the stink grab
the thing & run like hell as far away as possible?    If they are BIG
coprophiles & there were forests of these stinks maybe they'd eat the mighty
inflorescences too.  Then what use would your beast be to posterity if its
member was eaten before it had done its job?  If now that the hornbills have
crocked maybe its a good thing that Amorphos are solitary so they can still
attract little coprophiles when they're on heat & other big unsmelling
smelly animals who will run away like hell with the fruit after the member
has made little seeds?   Effective pollination for solitaries depends on
their making
enough stink to fumigate a County.  OK so they can do that?  Effective seed
dissemination by decently smelling animals depends on absence of stink?
Titanum stink is needed both to attract to pollinate & to repel coprophiles
which might otherwise eat virgin members.   So as those dratted Titans &
Hornbills get more & more sparse is it now single stink molecule sensitive
coprophiles for conception, or big stupid brave glutton coprophobes for

Are you OK still?

One A. titanum in any region is enough because the stink is extremely
potent, &
its coprophilic pollinators extremely sensitive to its noxious odour
molecules at astronomice distances.  High density of members & suffocating
stink would drive away or anaesthetise even pollinator
flies & finally discourage all seed dissemination by "alternative"
coproPHOBES & turn
other forms of life competing for the same habitats into rabid
> Phalloidophobes & little butchers envious of giant symbolic phalli.  This
gestalt explains the low density of the titanums which you said was actually
the case.

I am a coprophobe & my earliest toilet training was successful.  I
have passed fully through the normal infants pre-occupation with its own
litter about ninety five years ago.So I tolerate
the sight of absurdly & impractically sized members symbols at amused
distances whilst
remaining true to my decently learned coprophobia by wearing healthy
protective nose filters.  So for me one titanum per square kilometre is more
than enough, too much

To keep Titanum numbers at levels just above extinction to keep we
modernists popular with the damn conservationists, like the rest of the
useless jungle, I suggest we graze the darn beasts with adequate but not too
stupid coprophobes to make maximum politically expedient space to grow

I do not eat my beloved Spathiphyllum.  But DO try them they are toxic.
You might also try the psychological aphrodisiac & creative inspirational
effects of working in an environment where the perfume of these wonders,
like that of a heavenly woman emanates at high concentration.  Dreamy, Man.
Works wonders for your romance life & can gives that special  "lift" to
jaded Members such as maybe yourselves.

Although it does not have the magical psychological effects of Spathifeelia,
I eat Durian flesh avidly as available & in the bush which through litter
scatter assists in the wider dispersal of the
luxury.  RIPE Durian stink may be chemically & functionally
different from that of Titanum certainly not as subtle as that of
Spathifeelia.   Apparently it does not attract flies even when grown as
forests.  In such forests, after a while even coprophobic noses would surely
acclimatised to the stink as coprophobic owners of the noses indulge
gluttonously in custard feasts.

People do not apparently banquet near
phalloids maybe because the sight of them makes them think about other
things & the
stink puts them off the thought of food too.  In that way Amorphos might be
ideal for some abnormal obese people aphrodisiacs & slimming aids.
I need further information on this for marketing.
You wrote "Around here people associate Spaths with funerals".   How old
fashioned!  Yes, of course!  THEY ARE PEACE LILIES & as you may not realise,
is as important in Life as after Death....  In early Europe & maybe even in
your seemingly admitted superstitious & therefore primitive regions, White
Arum (Zantedeschia aethiopica) is used at
funerals, again as symbols of Peace & fertlitity.  The
association between pure white aroids may conceivably have been perverted
after the
> Middle Ages as the "flowers" came to be regarded superstitiously as
symbols of DEATH when they were used at the endings of heretics such as
myself.  Such superstitions
have  largely died out in modern Societies where they, Anthurium & EVEN
SPATHS are now widely used at weddings & in celebration bouquets.   I have
no converse record of A. titanum being a Peace or fertility symbol at
nuptuals even for obese Viagra deficient patients tying their knots..
So - please respond to my reluctant amorphophilia by overcoming
> your seeming illogical & unenlightened prejudice towards the elegant &
beguiling simple Peace Lilies which as a creative stylishly inconcupiscent
artist I love & need.  They are perfumed, Amorphos stink, Durian are both

You & your responders seemed confused about these facts & I have tried to
help you.  I end with the Prayer, "May Durians be everywhere & stinkies keep
respectful distance for all of us who are not overweight, not getting
married & not needing Viagra.   Let there be a Spathifeelia in every shower
& playroom & if you are a Man you need never fear an Amorpho again.  Amen.
I trust you understand Brit humour & hope you enjoyed this
simple story.  Brace yourself for the next instalment by Ron Naughty.  It
may get worse, far worse

If you have read this to the end & actually understood what I ACTUALLY wrote
in this hyperbolic parable
ask for an IAS medal.


> >
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Randy Story" <story@caltech.edu>
> To: <aroid-l@lists.ncsu.edu>
> Sent: Thursday, September 12, 2002 6:52 AM
> Subject: Re: [aroid-l] How does A. titanum do it?
> Ron,
> I assume you've never been around a durian fruit.  People who live in the
> same part of the world as A. titanum consider durian to be a delicacy and
> somehow put up with that ungodly stench.  There are many, many more
> than there are A. titanums!
> Around here people associate Spaths with funerals.
> Randy
> ----------
> >From: "Ron Iles" <roniles@eircom.net>
> >To: <aroid-l@lists.ncsu.edu>
> >Subject: Re: [aroid-l] How does A. titanum do it?
> >Date: Wed, Sep 11, 2002, 9:12 PM
> >
> > Is it precarious?   Considerr how many hundreds of miles each molecule
> > stink can spread.  How far off can the pollinating stink flies smell the
> > molecule stink.   Male moths can detect a molecule or so of female
> phemerone
> > miles away, so flies maybe could detect these phalloid stinks hundreds
> > miles away?   So maybe having very sparse Amorphos is not precarious but
> > considerate to humans?  If there was an Amorpho every ten feet, the
> > would be breathing flies & most smelling life would get very aggressive
> > kill off the too many orrible smelling monstrosities.
> >
> > Spathiphyllum do it right, they smell nice & are welcome everywhere &
> don't
> > encorage nasty flies.
> >
> > Do you reckon that Amorpho & other stinkies are human health hazards
> > all those nasty organic chemicals?  You really think I'm joking, at
> a
> > few of us are cutting down on the densities of these things around us.
> >
> > Signed on behalf of the Irish Pet Spath Company & Amorpho Abolition
> Society
> > .
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Randy Story" <story@caltech.edu>
> > To: "AROID-L" <aroid-l@lists.ncsu.edu>
> > Sent: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 11:32 PM
> > Subject: [aroid-l] How does A. titanum do it?
> >
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > The current discussion on Amorphophallus titanum reminded me of a
> I
> > have.  This arose during a conversation with a friend while visiting the
> > Huntington's blooming A. titanum a few weeks ago and the situation would
> of
> > course apply to a lot of other species as well.
> >
> > If during  blooming the female flowers are only receptive for about a
> > then there must of course be another flower making pollen that is only a
> day
> > or two ahead for there to be successful pollination.  My impression was
> that
> > A. titanum isn't terribly abundant, plus it blooms only every three
> at
> > best, etc.  So what are the chances that another plant blooms
> > nearby (a couple miles?) at exactly the right time (again within a day
> > two) so that a given plant is successfully pollinated?  A related
> > is what sort of population density is necessary to keep all of this
> > I assume that this must be a serious concern of botanists/ecologists and
> > others trying to keep these plants from going extinct.  I'm curious for
> > sense as to what the magnitude of the problem is.  Is the situation so
> > precarious for some species that even fairly minor decreases in
> > density and or area of distribution can lead to extinction?  If so, how
> many
> > Amorphophallus species have already been lost?
> >
> > The conclusion of the conversation with my friend was that it seemed
> rather
> > odd that a species (or many) had evolved into such a precarious corner!
> >
> > Randy
> >
> >
> >
> >

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