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[aroid-l] Debate about Stink (Re-fumigated)

  • Subject: [aroid-l] Debate about Stink (Re-fumigated)
  • From: "Ron Iles" roniles@eircom.net
  • Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2002 22:40:39 +0100

In a unseemly haste to answer, I did not edit this epistle as much as I
should to make it less incoherent before the draft "got away", again, &
during one of the frequent power cuts due to insufficient fossil fuel at
power stations, the version being fumigated between several tap dancing
lessons was lost.  Here is what may be the almost definitive undefinable 10
MB version the less illiterate cross-eyed incongruity of which I hope will
not be flushed from the annals of Aroid-L.

> Randy,
> I enjoyed your humour.  Yes of course I know Durian, when most ripe it is
said to be like eating custard through ****
So I return the fibrous matter for your (in)digestion.   It should not
be regarded as adding to the real Natural History of either your
Durian or your Titanum.  I hope my fiction is as interesting as some of
that which
I recently received
Stinky Durians are eaten either by unsmelling
animals, or coprophiles or coprophobes that can stand the stink before they
eat the custard within. The purpose of the Durian like all fruit is to
disperse seeds.  One reason for the stink is to repel little coprophobes
that would
burrow into the hard unripe fruit & make it drop prematurely next to the
tree which would not be good for wide dispersal.  Having repelled the little
b***** the soft stinky is then free to ripen, drop, break in half & voila
will come a BIG
hungry lumbering bear (bigger than a Titan Member) or some other animal that
can carry it & knows about the custard & that animal then runs away
manically with
the whole darn lot & scatters seed for miles & miles.   (see the cartoon
which wouldn't go on Aroid-L).  So, you see THAT's why there
are so many stinky Durians everywhere.  So, the stink of the Durian is to
with the story so far?

The stink of A. titanum ATTRACTS little coprophiles to pollinate them.  But
what creatures disperse the non-smelling useless fruit?  Apparently the now
endangered hornbill which is stink blind anyway?  Maybe
there are other non smelling creatures to take its place when that too is
gone?  I assume titanum fruit are not stinky otherwise it couldn't be
dispersed by high class coprophobes?.   Smellers are surely not going to go
near a fruiting titanum to eat its fruit if stinky flowering plants are all
around,  If
the stinking titanum inflorescences were mixed up with fruited plants the
large coprophobes might not come at all.  Maybe some smelling
animals which know about the glorious custard would rush into the stink grab
the thing & run like hell as far away as possible?    If they are BIG
coprophiles & there were forests of these stinks maybe they'd eat the mighty
inflorescences too.  Then what use would your beast be to posterity if its
member was eaten before it had done its job?  If now that the hornbills have
crocked maybe its a good thing that Amorphos are solitary so they can still
attract the little coprophiles when they're on heat & other big unsmelling
smelly animals who will run away like hell with the fruit after the member
has made little seeds?   Effective pollination for solitaries depends on
their making
enough stink to fumigate a County.  OK so they can do that?  Effective seed
dissemination by decently smelling animals depends on absence of stink?
Titanum stink is needed both to attract to pollinate & to repel coprophiles
which might otherwise eat entire virgin members.   So as those dratted
Titans &
Hornbills get more & more sparse is it now single stink molecule sensitive
coprophiles for conception, & big stupid brave glutton coprophobes for

Are you OK still?

One A. titanum in any region is enough because the stink is extremely
potent, &
its coprophilic pollinators extremely sensitive to its noxious odour
molecules at astronomice distances.  High density of members & suffocating
stink would drive away or anaesthetise even maybe those pollinator
flies & finally discourage all seed dissemination by "alternative"
coproPHOBES & turn
other forms of life competing for the same habitats into rabid
> Phalloidophobes & little butchers envious of giant symbolic phalli.  This
gestalt explains the low density of the titanums which you said was actually
the case.

I am a coprophobe & my earliest toilet training was successful.  I
have passed fully through the normal infants pre-occupation with its own
litter about ninety five years ago.So I tolerate
the sight of absurdly & impractically sized members symbols at amused
distances whilst
remaining true to my decently learned coprophobia by wearing healthy
protective nose filters.  So for me one titanum per square kilometre is
enough, too much

To keep Titanum numbers at levels just above extinction to keep we
modernists popular with the damn conservationists, like the rest of the
useless jungle, I suggest we graze the darn Titanum to a just sustainable
minimum with adequate but not too
stupid coprophobes to make maximum politically expedient space to grow

I do not eat my beloved Spathiphyllum.  But DO try them they are toxic.
You might also try the psychological aphrodisiac & creative inspirational
effects of working in an environment where the perfume of these wonders,
like that of a heavenly woman emanates at high concentration.  Dreamy, Man.
Works wonders for your romance life & can gives that special  "lift" to
jaded Members such as maybe yourselves.

Although it does not have the magical psychological effects of Spathifeelia,
I eat Durian flesh avidly as available & in the bush that of course assists
in the wider dispersal of the through litter
scatter   RIPE Durian stink may be chemically & functionally
different from that of Titanum certainly not as subtle as that of
Spathifeelia.   Apparently it does not attract flies even when grown as
forests.  In such forests, after a while even coprophobic noses would surely
acclimatised to the stink as their owners indulge
gluttonously in custard feasts.

People do not apparently banquet near
phalloids maybe because the sight of them makes them think about other
things & the
stink further puts them off the thought of food.  In that way Amorphos might
ideal as slimming aids for obese people & aphrodisiacs if they were in
otherwise need.of Viagra.
I need further information on this for marketing.
You wrote "Around here people associate Spaths with funerals".   How old
fashioned!  Yes, of course!  THEY ARE PEACE LILIES & as you may not realise,
is as important in Life as after Death....  In early Europe & maybe even in
your seemingly admitted superstitious & therefore primitive regions, White
Arums (Zantedeschia aethiopica) are used at
funerals, again as symbols of Peace & fertlitity.  The perverted association
between pure white aroids & Death may have been started
after the > Middle Ages as the "flowers" came to be used at the endings of
heretics such as
myself.  Such superstitions
have  largely died out in modern Societies where White Arums, Anthurium &
SPATHS are now widely used at weddings for suggestive reasons & for bouquets
which have to be more posh than carnations.   I have
no converse record of A. titanum being a Peace or fertility symbol at
nuptuals even for obese Viagra deficient patients tying their knots..
So - please respond to my reluctant amorphophilia by overcoming
> your seeming illogical & unenlightened prejudice towards the elegant &
beguiling simple Peace Lilies which as a creative stylishly inconcupiscent
artist I love & need.  They are perfumed, Amorphos stink, Durian are both.

You & your responders seemed confused about these facts & I have tried to
help you probably unsuccessfully.  So I end with the Prayer, "May Durians be
everywhere & stinkies keep
respectful distance from all of us who are not overweight, not getting
married & not needing Viagra.   Let there be a Spathifeelia in every shower
& playroom & if you are a Man you need never fear an Amorpho again.  Amen.
I trust you understand Brit humour & hope you enjoyed this
simple story.  Brace yourself for the next instalment by Ron Naughty.  It
may get worse, far worse

If you have read this to the end & actually understood what I ACTUALLY wrote
in this hyperbolic parable that is one of us.  Maybe IAS could give you a
medal or something?.


> >
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Randy Story" <story@caltech.edu>
> To: <aroid-l@lists.ncsu.edu>
> Sent: Thursday, September 12, 2002 6:52 AM
> Subject: Re: [aroid-l] How does A. titanum do it?
> Ron,
> I assume you've never been around a durian fruit.  People who live in the
> same part of the world as A. titanum consider durian to be a delicacy and
> somehow put up with that ungodly stench.  There are many, many more
> than there are A. titanums!
> Around here people associate Spaths with funerals.
> Randy
> ----------

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