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Re: survey

One of my best friends taught me how to hug. She is Italian..and very outgoing. I come from a very white-bread, waspy, stiff-upper-lip, scotch, english, german, Indian household. No warm fuzzies in my house growing up. Any hugs were very stiff and not sincere. So, when she tried to hug me one evening...I hugged her back..but in the only way I knew how to hug. She pulled away, but still held on to my arms..and said, "that's not a hug...this is a hug" and she gave me one of those big Italian hugs. I didn't know what to say. She said, "heart to heart..you hug from this side to this side so your heart touches the other person's heart....we are all one...we just forget to connect at times...and I don't have cooties either!" (big Italian laugh) It took me awhile to figure it out...but I knew she was right...to truly hug somebody that you appreciate, love and care about...well, it's just darn good for the soul. I thank the Goddess for all of my friends. They teach me so much about life.

From: "Zemuly Sanders" <zsanders@midsouth.rr.com>
Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Subject: Re: [CHAT] survey
Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2004 19:03:57 -0600

Kitty, I'll hug anyone (or anything) that stands still long enough unless I know they don't like or want it. I'm just very tactile, but also very tactful at the same time. I know my friends well enough to know who likes hugs and who doesn't, and I do not cross the line. Part of being a good friend, IMHO, is respecting the space of others.
----- Original Message ----- From: "Kitty" <kmrsy@comcast.net>
To: "Agardenchat" <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004 7:08 PM
Subject: [CHAT] survey

I guess I should have been more precise.
I was thinking of the example I mentioned:
You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for inviting me.
See you soon!"<<
To elaborate:
I get together with about 6-8 women about every 6 weeks to chat at one of
our homes. We've know each othe since grade or high school. One woman, my
oldest friend, loves to hug anything she can grab hold of. As I followed
her out at evening's end she threw her arms around the hostess and thanked
her for a nice night. As her arms came back up she attempted to bring them
down on me for the next hug; I deftly caught it in mid air and guided it
away quietly. But no, she whips it back up and comes down on me with both
arms, so I ducked out of harms way. "I want a hug!" "Debbe, you know I
don't like hugs." "I don't care! I want a hug!" "Well, you're not getting
it from me."

Anyone looking at this exchange would think I'm very antisocial, and what's
the harm in a hug. Hugs are positive things. So I look like a jerk for
asking someone not to hug me. So instead I usually just submit, grin and
bear it. But Debbe KNOWS how I feel. Hugs make me very uncomfortable. We
have discussed it. And this is not some special moment in our lives. It's
a simple "good bye - see you next time" thing. Why must I have to grit my
teeth and take it just because she wants it? Hmmm? That's abuse of the

So, the A or B I'm asking about refers to a casual, reasonably frequent
get-together of friends.

Just so you know - I gladly and warmly hugged my nephew when he got off the
plane last night. But it has been over 6 months and he nearly died a couple
of times. That is hug material.


----- Original Message ----- From: "Jesse Bell" <
Depends on the person...family, friend, business associate.  Some people
feel more comfortable hugging than others.

>From: kmrsy@comcast.net
>Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
>To: gardenchat@hort.net
>Subject: Re: [CHAT] One project > survey
>Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2004 21:53:39 +0000
>I think that's wonderful, Donna. I wish I could be more like that. To
>tell you the truth, though, I am in better shape now than during her
>last visit. I'm just not a particularly sociable person and consequently
>I'm sort of torn betwen wanting to just do what I want and feeling like
>a terrible host.
>Here's an example:
>I reallllllllllly hate all the hugging people want to do all the time
>now. You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for inviting
>me. See you soon!", without someone glombing on to you, grabbing you
>with both arms and dragging you into their bosom.
>So, survey time:
>A: "Hugs all-around! I'm touchy-feely. Anyone within grabbing distance!
>Hello! Goodbye! Oh, just c'mere and give me a great big hug!!!!!"
>B: "Hugs ok if appropriate - which is rarely. Keep your distance."
>Which one are you? A or B?
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