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Re: survey


We had hugs and kisses growing up.  Cheek only please!  My dad's mom always
wanted to kiss on the lips - yucky.  My dislike of hugs came much later in
life. After therapy!

Kitty

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jesse Bell" <jesserenebell@hotmail.com>
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004 9:04 PM
Subject: Re: [CHAT] survey


> One of my best friends taught me how to hug.  She is Italian..and very
> outgoing.  I come from a very white-bread, waspy, stiff-upper-lip, scotch,
> english, german, Indian household.  No warm fuzzies in my house growing
up.
> Any hugs were very stiff and not sincere.  So, when she tried to hug me
one
> evening...I hugged her back..but in the only way I knew how to hug.  She
> pulled away, but still held on to my arms..and said, "that's not a
> hug...this is a hug" and she gave me one of those big Italian hugs.  I
> didn't know what to say.  She said, "heart to heart..you hug from this
side
> to this side so your heart touches the other person's heart....we are all
> one...we just forget to connect at times...and I don't have cooties
either!"
>   (big Italian laugh)  It took me awhile to figure it out...but I knew she
> was right...to truly hug somebody that you appreciate, love and care
> about...well, it's just darn good for the soul.  I thank the Goddess for
all
> of my friends.  They teach me so much about life.
>
>
> >From: "Zemuly Sanders" <zsanders@midsouth.rr.com>
> >Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
> >To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
> >Subject: Re: [CHAT] survey
> >Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2004 19:03:57 -0600
> >
> >Kitty, I'll hug anyone (or anything) that stands still long enough unless
I
> >know they don't like or want it.  I'm just very tactile, but also very
> >tactful at the same time.  I know my friends well enough to know who
likes
> >hugs and who doesn't, and I do not cross the line.  Part of being a good
> >friend, IMHO, is respecting the space of others.
> >zem
> >----- Original Message ----- From: "Kitty" <kmrsy@comcast.net>
> >To: "Agardenchat" <gardenchat@hort.net>
> >Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004 7:08 PM
> >Subject: [CHAT] survey
> >
> >
> >>I guess I should have been more precise.
> >>I was thinking of the example I mentioned:
> >>>>You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for inviting
me.
> >>See you soon!"<<
> >>To elaborate:
> >>I get together with about 6-8 women about every 6 weeks to chat at one
of
> >>our homes.  We've know each othe since grade or high school.  One woman,
> >>my
> >>oldest friend, loves to hug anything she can grab hold of.  As I
followed
> >>her out at evening's end she threw her arms around the hostess and
thanked
> >>her for  a nice night. As her arms came back up she attempted to bring
> >>them
> >>down on me for the next hug; I deftly caught it in mid air and guided it
> >>away quietly.  But no, she whips it back up and comes down on me with
both
> >>arms, so I ducked out of harms way.  "I want a hug!"  "Debbe, you know I
> >>don't like hugs."  "I don't care!  I want a hug!"  "Well, you're not
> >>getting
> >>it from me."
> >>
> >>Anyone looking at this exchange would think I'm very antisocial, and
> >>what's
> >>the harm in a hug.  Hugs are positive things.  So I look like a jerk for
> >>asking someone not to hug me.  So instead I usually just submit, grin
and
> >>bear it.  But Debbe KNOWS how I feel.  Hugs make me very uncomfortable.
We
> >>have discussed it.  And this is not some special moment in our lives.
It's
> >>a simple "good bye - see you next time" thing.  Why must I have to grit
my
> >>teeth and take it just because she wants it?  Hmmm? That's abuse of the
> >>friendship.
> >>
> >>So, the A or B I'm asking about refers to a casual, reasonably frequent
> >>get-together of friends.
> >>
> >>Just so you know - I gladly and warmly hugged my nephew when he got off
> >>the
> >>plane last night.  But it has been over 6 months and he nearly died a
> >>couple
> >>of times.  That is hug material.
> >>
> >>
> >>Kitty
> >>
> >>----- Original Message ----- From: "Jesse Bell" <
> >>>Depends on the person...family, friend, business associate.  Some
people
> >>you
> >>>feel more comfortable hugging than others.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> >From: kmrsy@comcast.net
> >>> >Reply-To: gardenchat@hort.net
> >>> >To: gardenchat@hort.net
> >>> >Subject: Re: [CHAT] One project  > survey
> >>> >Date: Thu, 30 Dec 2004 21:53:39 +0000
> >>> >
> >>> >I think that's wonderful, Donna. I wish I could be more like that. To
> >>> >tell you the truth, though, I am in better shape now than during her
> >>> >last visit. I'm just not a particularly sociable person and
> >>>consequently
> >>> >I'm sort of torn betwen wanting to just do what I want and feeling
like
> >>> >a terrible host.
> >>> >
> >>> >
> >>> >Here's an example:
> >>> >I reallllllllllly hate all the hugging people want to do all the time
> >>> >now. You can't say a simple "Hey that was great fun! Thanks for
> >>>inviting
> >>> >me. See you soon!", without someone glombing on to you, grabbing you
> >>> >with both arms and dragging you into their bosom.
> >>> >
> >>> >
> >>> >So, survey time:
> >>> >A: "Hugs all-around! I'm touchy-feely. Anyone within grabbing
distance!
> >>> >Hello! Goodbye! Oh, just c'mere and give me a great big hug!!!!!"
> >>> >
> >>> >B:  "Hugs ok if appropriate - which is rarely.  Keep your distance."
> >>> >
> >>> >Which one are you?  A or B?
> >>> >
> >>> >Kitty
> >>
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