This is a public-interest archive. Personal data is pseudonymized and retained under GDPR Article 89.

[Fwd: FW: MARTHA STEWART HOLIDAY CALENDAR] (fwd)] (fwd)

Well, since Martha Stewart has been mentioned on this
list, I thought I would forward this piece of e-mail
humor for your amusement.

Sue Haffner

> > >
> > >
> > > > >  <<Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 1
> > > > >  Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving
> > > > >  turkey.  Spray paint gold, turn upside
> > > > >  down and use as a sleigh to hold
> > > > >  Christmas Cards.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 2
> > > > >  Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record
> > > > >  outgoing Christmas message for
> > > > >  answering machine.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 3
> > > > >  Using candlewick and handgilded
> > > > >  miniature pine cones, fashion
> > > > >  cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 4
> > > > >  Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru,
> > > > >  with mocha trim.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 5
> > > > >  Get new eyeglasses.  Grind lenses
> > > > >  myself.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 6
> > > > >  Fax family Christmas newsletter to
> > > > >  Pulitzer committee for consideration.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 7
> > > > >  Debug Windows '95
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 10
> > > > >  Align carpets to adjust for curvature of
> > > > >  Earth.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 11
> > > > >  Lay Faberge egg.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 12
> > > > >  Take Dog apart. Disinfect.  Reassemble.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 13
> > > > >  Bring out my collection of antique
> > > > >  dentures. They make excellent pastry
> > > > >  cutters, particularly for decorative pie
> > > > >  crusts.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 14
> > > > >  Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 15
> > > > >  Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade
> > > > >  "holiday scents" in case tires are
> > > > >  shot out at mall.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 17
> > > > >  Child proof the Christmas tree with
> > > > >  garland of razor wire.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 19
> > > > >  Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas
> > > > >  dinner guest will be same height
> > > > >  when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 20
> > > > >  Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and
> > > > >  roll in confectioner's sugar to add a
> > > > >  festive sparkle to the pasture.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 21
> > > > >  Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled
> > > > >  cider, orange slices and cinnamon
> > > > >  sticks.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 22
> > > > >  Float votive candles in toilet tank.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 23
> > > > >  Seed clouds for white Christmas.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 24
> > > > >  Do my annual good deed.  Go to several
> > > > >  stores.  Be seen engaged in last
> > > > >  minute Christmas shopping, thus making
> > > > >  many people feel less inadequate than
> > > > >  they really are.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 25
> > > > >  Bear son.  Swaddle.  Lay in color
> > > > >  coordinated manger scented with
> > > > >  homemade
> > > > >  potpourri.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 26
> > > > >  Organize spice racks by genus and
> > > > >  phylum.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 27
> > > > >  Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
> > > > >
> > > > >  December 31
> > > > >  New Year's Eve!   Give staff their
> > > > >  resolutions.  Call a friend in each time
> > > > >  zone of the world as the clock strikes
> > > > >  midnight in that country.
> > > > >
> > >
> > >
> > > ______________________________________________________________________
> > > To unsubscribe, write to Relaxation_Station-unsubscribe@listbot.com
> > > Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --------------2639308F5E85F979569BC514--
> >
> >
>
>
>
Other Mailing lists | Author Index | Date Index | Subject Index | Thread Index