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FW: Husband 1.0

--------- Forwarded message ----------

Dear Tech Support:

Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
software: severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry
applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf
2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.  Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3
to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited
effectiveness.

Can you help, please!!!!
Signed,
Jane

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
creator
to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband
1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to
do
this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0
to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system, once
installed.

Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0
has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part
of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried
to
install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with
more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wondful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as
an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.

To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME." Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!  Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a
C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal
operations.
Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or
worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes
Husband
1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very
hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
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