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Re: SANSEVIERIAS Digest - 11 Jan 2000 to 19 Jan 2000 (#2000-8)

Thank you, Annee!!!

All these many years I've been trying to get Husbandhelp.exe and
Honeydo.bat (both perfectly good files) to run, and now I know why I
just haven't had much success... :)

Carolyn

> Subject: FW: Husband 1.0
> Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2000 13:52:23 -0700
> From: Supannee Webb <ankraras@JUNO.COM>
>
> --------- Forwarded message ----------
>
> Dear Tech Support:
>
> Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
> that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
> software: severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry
> applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
> this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
>
> In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
> DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
> undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf
> 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.  Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
> invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
> DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3
> to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited
> effectiveness.
>
> Can you help, please!!!!
> Signed,
> Jane
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Jane:
>
> This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
> to
> a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
> Husband
> 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
> However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
> creator
> to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband
> 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to
> do
> this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0
> to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to
> uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system, once
> installed.
>
> Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0
> has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part
> of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
> applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried
> to
> install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with
> more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
>
> Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
> notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
> HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
> quirks of this strange and illogical system.
>
> Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
> entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
> wondful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
> as
> an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
> responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.
>
> To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
> ME." Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
> command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
> Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
>
> TECH TIP!  Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
> additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a
> C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal
> operations.
> Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or
> worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes
> Husband
> 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very
> hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
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