Re: Fwd: [iris-talk] OT-Humor: Non-Iris related, "Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"
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- Subject: Re: Fwd: [iris-talk] OT-Humor: Non-Iris related, "Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"
- From: B* S*
- Date: Tue, 08 Dec 1998 13:44:43 -0400
From: Bill Shear <BILLS@hsc.edu>
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>In a message dated 12/6/98 11:18:28 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>glsimmon@swbell.net writes:
>
><< Guess >>
>
>
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>Message-ID: <366AAE0D.C1947301@swbell.net>
>Date: Sun, 06 Dec 1998 10:17:18 -0600
>From: Glenn Simmons <glsimmon@swbell.net>
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>Subject: [iris-talk] OT-Humor: Non-Iris related, "Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"
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>From: Glenn Simmons <glsimmon@swbell.net>
>
>Here is another one my cousin has sent me that I thought worth sharing.
>Cousin
>got real busy a couple of days ago, she sent me 8 in one day! :)
>
>
>
>> THIS IS A LONG ONE, BUT IT IS WORTH IT!!!!
>>
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>
>> >
>> > Diary of a Snow Shoveler
>> >
>> > December 6: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
>> > and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
>> > watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
>> > Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
>> > snow!
>> >
>> > December 7: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
>> > covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
>> > be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
>> > I've
>> > ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
>> > again.
>> > I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow
>> > came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I
>> > got
>> > to shovel again. What a perfect life.
>> >
>> > December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>> > disappointment.
>> > My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
>> > Christmas.
>> > No
>> > snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
>> > the
>> > end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think
>> > that's
>> > possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>> >
>> > December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
>> > to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>> > away,
>> > but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
>> > life!
>> > The snowplow came back and covered everything up again. I didn't
>> > realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
>> > get
>> > back in shape this way.
>> >
>> > December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
>> > Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
>> > freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
>> > think
>> > that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>> >
>> > December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
>> > driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
>> > which I
>> > think was very cruel.
>> >
>> > December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
>> > anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on
>> > to
>> > stay
>> > warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
>> > Guess
>> > I
>> > should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when
>> > she's
>> > right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>> >
>> > December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
>> > stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by
>> > twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
>> > busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
>> > store
>> > around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
>> > another
>> > shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
>> > the
>> > city
>> > will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
>> >
>> > December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
>> > inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
>> > melt
>> > till
>> > August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
>> > then I had to urinate. By the time I got undressed, urinated and dressed
>> > again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his
>> > truck for the rest of the
>> > winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
>> >
>> > December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
>> > wanted
>> > me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!!
>> > Why
>> > didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
>> > she's lying.
>> >
>> > December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
>> > Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
>> > who
>> > drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his %#^&&!. I
>> > know he
>> > hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
>> > comes
>> > down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've
>> > just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>> > and
>> > open our presents, but I was busy watching for the damn snowplow.
>> >
>> > December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !@#@!$#@!@# slop
>> > tonight.
>> > Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow!
>> > Then
>> > the
>> > snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
>> > head
>> > with my
>> > shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If
>> > I
>> > have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill
>> > her.
>> >
>> > December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
>> > all
>> > HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>> >
>> > December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>> >
>> > December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. She is driving me
>> > crazy!!!!!
>> >
>> > December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
>> > could
>> > cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
>> > am?
>> >
>> > December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
>> > million
>> > dollars.
>> > The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.
>> >
>> > December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>> >
>> > January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
>> > keep
>> > giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
>> >
>
>Merry Christmas, Glenn
>
>--
>Glenn & Linda Simmons
>Springfield, Southwest Missouri, USDA Zone 6
>g*@swbell.net
>
>
>
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