OT: HUMOR: Tags and Related Subjects (Long Post)

In the interest of helping out John, who does a most wonderful job here, and
those who wish to rant and rave against him and others, or wish to
unsubscribe, I present the following:

1.  A form for flaming.  One simply needs to check the appropriate boxes.
2.  A set of directions for unsubscribing from this and other lists.

The humor impaired may wish to delete this post immediately. At the very
least, do not proceed any further.

Failure to follow the rules here will plummet you into a life where you will
need to utilize subject tags in every aspect of your life.  No reprieves
will be allowed to be entered or given.

===========================

First, the flame form.  Please cut and paste this when used.

Dear:

[ ] sir        [ ] clueless one [ ] twit         [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam      [ ] dweeb        [ ] twerp        [ ] comrade
[ ] Elvis      [ ] moon beam    [ ] boor         [ ] Babe
[ ] Geek       [ ] Boob         [ ] Communist
[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat     [ ] Liberal      [ ] Conservative
[ ] Other ( )

You are being gently flamed because.

--------------------
GENERAL
--------------------
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or
    Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.

--------------------
FOR LISTERVS (Open discussion Groups)
--------------------
[ ] you sent a please remove me from the list message to the
    list rather than the list-sever
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an obvious troll

[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] you crossposted excessively
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after
    60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy
with
    cancer who is trying to break the guiness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your addition
    was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and
    started stinking up the place just because you read an article about
    the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine or had seen it
    on TV etc....


[ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
    [ ] hollow earth theory            [ ] alien President theory
    [ ] orbital mind control frisbees  [ ] faith healing
    [ ] government weather control     [ ] Russian psychics
    [ ] Squeaky Fromme                 [ ] the nation of France
    [ ] robot spy bees                 [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens
    [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"     [ ] Beavis & Butthead anything
    [ ] flat earth theory              [ ] government conspiracy theory
    [ ] the veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above)
    [ ] Other:

[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
    [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
    [ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup   or [ ] SNL News
    [ ] Oliver Stone           [ ] Hard Copy  [ ] Inside Edition
    [ ] The National Enquirer  [ ] The Sun    [ ] NY Post
    [ ] The Union Leader       [ ] Pravda     [ ] OMNI Magazine
    [ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft  [ ] The Simpsons
    [ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
    [ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to;

[ ]  not delete the "welcome to the list" message you received
    when you joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ]  get used to being mocked
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments

I would like to suggest that, for the common good, you;

[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in
    that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
            [ ] patience            [ ] tolerance           [ ] caution
            [ ] common courtesy     [ ] succinctness
            [ ] vocabulary          [ ] higher brain functions
            [ ] Other:
            [ ] Re-install what ever failed mental operating system
  you are currently running on

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being;

[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:

Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.

=====================================

Second, unsubscribing from lists:

First, ask your Internet Provider to mail you an Unsubscribing Kit.

 Then follow these directions.

The kit will most likely be the standard no-fault type. Depending on
requirements, System A and/or System B can be used. When operating System A,
depress lever and a plastic dalkron unsubscriber will be dispensed through
the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip,
attach connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver-
colored ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.

The kit is now ready for use. The Cin-Eliminator is activated by the small
switch on the lip. When securing, twist the
ring back to its initial condition, so that the two orange lines meet.

Disconnect.

Place the dalkron unsubscriber in the vacuum receptacle to the rear.

Activate by pressing the blue button.

The controls for System B are located on the opposite side. The red release
switch places the Cin-Eliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually
up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self-
adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button, which simultaneously
activates the evaporator and returns the Cin-Eliminator to its storage
position.

You may log off if the green exit light is on over the evaporator. If the
red light is illuminated, one of the Cin-Eliminator
requirements has not been properly implemented. Press the "List Guy" call
button on the right of the evaporator . He will
secure all facilities from his control panel.

To use the Auto-Unsub, first undress and place all your clothes in the
clothes rack. Put on the Velcro slippers located in the cabinet immediately
below. Enter the shower, taking the entire kit with you. On the control
panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a "Shower seal" button.
Press to activate. A green light will then be illuminated immediately below.
On the intensity knob, select the desired setting. Now depress the
Auto-Unsub activation lever. Bathe normally.

The Auto-Unsub will automatically go off after three minutes unless you
activate the "Manual off" override switch by flipping it up. When you are
ready to leave, press the blue "Shower seal" release button. The door will
open and you may leave. Please remove the Velcro slippers and place them in
their container.

If you prefer the ultrasonic log-off mode, press the indicated blue button.
When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. The knob to the
left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low, medium or high.
For normal use, the medium setting is suggested. After these settings have
been made, you can activate the device by switching to the "ON" position the
clearly marked red switch. If during the unsubscribing operation, you wish
to change the settings, place the "manual off" override switch in the "OFF"
position. You may now make the change and repeat the cycle. When the green
exit light goes on, you may log off.

Please close the door behind you.



\\Steve//
 For tropical fish and aquariums in MA, visit:
 http://www.petsforum.com/was/
 If you are in the DC Metro area, visit:
 http://www.pvas.com
 If your interest lies in dogs, visit:
 http://www.petsforum.com/ace/
 Manager Fish Club and Society WebRing
 http://www.petsforum.com/was/fishclub/fishclub.html
 List Owner:  fishadmin
 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fishadmin

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