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joke



>             _____________________________________
>   _________|                                     |________ 
>   \        |         The Top Five List           |       / 
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>      \     |     Sponsored by Windows Sources    |    / 
>       >    |         www.winsources.com          |   < 
>      /     |                                     |    \
>     /      |          January 10, 1997           |     \ 
>    /       |_____________________________________|      \
>   /___________)                               (__________\ 
> 
> 
>             The Top 17 Signs Your Football Team 
>                 is in Trouble with the Law 
>                         (Part II)
> 
> 
> 17> You have a locker room full of striped shirts *before* the 
>     refs arrive.
> 
> 16> No more "shotgun" offense because it violates the 
>     quarterback's probation.
> 
> 15> Players hear "3 strikes -- you're out!" more often than 
>     the Mets do.
> 
> 14> Mascot's head keeps turning up in owner's bed. 
> 
> 13> Latest trick play has wide receivers breaking for state line. 
> 
> 12> Fearing repercussions, sexual harrasment attorney advises 
>     star wide receiver to refrain from "huddling."
> 
> 11> Outraged O.J. makes public statement decrying players' 
>     "morally reprehensible behavior."
> 
> 10> 40-yard dash times cut in half since coach replaced his 
>     whistle with police siren.
> 
>  9> Wide receiver would have made that big catch if not for the 
>     parole officer handcuffed to him.
> 
>  8> Team mascot is Rusty the Bailiff from People's Court. 
> 
>  7> Numbers on some jerseys are 9 digits long. 
> 
>  6> Quarterback always wipes his prints off the ball before 
>     passing.
> 
>  5> Third string made up entirely of guys in suits who keep 
>     speaking into their lapels.
> 
>  4> Promotional ad for your next televised game uses the phrase, 
>     "As seen on COPS!"
> 
>  3> Fewer arthroscopic surgeries, more court-ordered castrations. 
> 
>  2> Forget Reebok and Nike -- *your* team's footwear is courtesy 
>     of Bruno Magli.
> 
> 
> and the Number 1 Sign Your Football Team is in Trouble with the Law... 
> 
> 
>  1> Your team has been invited to Colombia to play in the 
>     1st Annual Cartel Bowl.
> 
> 
>    [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ] 
>    [  *To forward or repost, please include this section.*  ] 
>    [ The Top Five List    top5@walrus.com   www.topfive.com ] 
> 
> 
> Selected from 144 submissions from 49 contributors. 
> Today's Top Five List authors are:
> ---------------------------------------------------------------- 
> Bob Mader, Knoxville TN               --  1   (1st #1!)
> Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY            --  2 
> Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA             --  3 
> Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC        --  4
> Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA     --  5, 17 
> John Voigt, Chicago, IL               --  6
> Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX            --  7
> Paul J. Lancaster, Blacksburg, VA     --  8, Topic 
> David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO       --  9
> Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA         -- 10 
> Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA  -- 11 
> Kate d'Oliveira, Ft. Lauderdale, FL   -- 12
> John Hering, Alexandria, VA           -- 12  (Hall of Famer) 
> Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN            -- 12  (Hall of Famer) 
> Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA         -- 13
> R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA             -- 13 
> Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX             -- 14 
> Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC          -- 15 
> Robyn Andrews, Greenville, SC         -- 16 
> Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA           -- 16 
> Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA         -- 17 
> David W. James, Los Angeles, CA       -- 17 
> Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR               -- 17 
> Bill Muse, Seattle, WA                -- 17
> Chris White, New York, NY             -- List owner/editor
> ---------------------------------------------------------------- 
>         Today's Runners Up list, "Second Stringers",
>         can be found at our website: www.topfive.com
> ================================================================ 
> 
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> 
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> 
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> 
>                    Ruminations & Ponderances 
> 
>               I think the best movie ever made is
>             White Men Can't Jump because it teaches 
>               a valuable moral lesson, and it has
>               Wesley Snipes *AND* Woody Harrelson. 
> 
>                    (Thanks to Craig Stacey) 
> 
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More Cowpuke musings to help relieve the tension before the GAME.

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