FW: 1997 Darwin Award



> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ladies and Gentlemen,
> 
> The 1997 Darwin Award competition has announced its runners up and
> winners.
> These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
> individual, who through single-minded self sacrifice, has done the
> most
> to
> remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
> Note, there was great improvement in the areas of teamwork and
> cooperation
> among the candidates in 1997-- it's no longer an individual sport.
> Here
> are (drum roll) the 1997 runners-up and winners:
> 
> 5th runner-up:
> A San Anselmo, California, man died when he hit a lift tower at the
> Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad.
> 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth
> Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., The Mono County
> Sheriff's
> Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
> run
> called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift
> towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
> The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
> apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
> into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower
> he
> hit was the one with its pad removed.
> 
> 4th Runner-up:
> Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
> market
> when the clerk threatened to call the police. Puelo grabbed a hot
> dog,shoved it into his mouth, and walked out without paying.  Police
> found him unconscious in front of the store-paramedics removed the
> six-inch
> wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
> 
> 3rd Runner-up:
> Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, shot a stag standing above him on an
> overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
> 
> 2nd Runner-up:
> A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the man in
> Arkansas
> who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pick-up truck)
> popped
> a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
> that
> blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of
> Kincaid,bit
> the
> blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night,said Cpl.
> M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
> was trying to explode it, said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy
> said I'll show you how to set it off. "He put it into his mouth and
> bit
> down. It
> blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said.
> Stromyer
> was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
> injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
> Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,
> Payne
> said.
> 
> 1st Runner-up:
> Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot
> through
> the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released
> soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
> weekend during an initiation into a man's rafting club, Mountain Men
> Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
> Grants Pass, Oregon. A
> friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
> Robert's right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to
> the
> left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have
> died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University
> Hospital
> in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with
> the
> tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
> all
> major blood vessels.  Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull the
> arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
> admitted
> afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. (DUH).
> Saidd Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this". No charges have been
> filed,
> but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
> initiation
> stunt is under investigation.
> 
> Last year's winner, you will remember, was the fellow who was killed
> when he attached a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit to his Chevy
> Impala
> and shot himself and his car into a desert cliff at 300 M.P.H. ....now
> this year's winners:
> 
> (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of
> the
> great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
> at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
> had
> 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
> the
> nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up
> truck
> over to the fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky (who
> was
> 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist
> his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was
> a
> 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself
> over,
> he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted
> (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a large branch that
> snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm,
> he
> looked down and saw some bushes below him. (Possibly) figuring the
> bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded
> to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.  Finally free,
> (did I mention he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes.
> The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now without the
> protection of his shorts, a Holly branch penetrated  his rectal
> cavity.
> To make matters worse (?!), on landing,his pocket knife penetrated his
> thigh 3-inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in
> considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him
> to
> safety (now he thinks of the "S" word) by tying the rope to the
> pick-up
> truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he
> put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on
> his
> friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up
> with
> its driver thrown 100-feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
> massive internal
> injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked
> with scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
> his
> thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
> Congratulations gentlemen, you win...Remember THE safety question:
> "WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IF I DO THIS?"
> 
> Have a safe day (& year!)
>                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
To sign-off this list, send email to majordomo@mallorn.com with the
message text UNSUBSCRIBE PUMPKINS
Other Mailing lists | Author Index | Date Index | Subject Index | Thread Index