Pumpkin widow
Dear Lost and Nearly Abandoned,
My husband started growing Giant Pumpkins this year, so I
can empathize with your bewilderment. Pumpkin growing is an
addiction, a consuming obsession that leaves no room for
normal day-to-day pleasures like conversation that does not
include mention of pumpkins or days that don’t begin and end
with a visit to the pumpkin patch.
Because we in the South are blessed (pumpkin grower wife’s
opinion) or cursed (pumpkin grower’s opinion) with a short
growing season (it gets too hot too fast here), I have
survived the first of many years of pumpkin mania. Here are
a few hints that may help you:
1. Make yourself a part of the weekly pumpkin measuring
process. As the beasties get bigger, it takes a person on
each side of the pumpkin to get accurate circumference,
side-to-side and over-the-top measurements. It may be the
only time that you are actually face to face with your man
in daylight during the week.
2. Learn to speak pumpkin. Color, size, estimated weight,
genetics are all suitable topics of conversation. Even
better, learn about the “masters” and their “children”.
Names like Greer, Mombert, Stellpflug, LaRue, Holland, Eaton
and Zeir among others must become part of your vocabulary.
3. Find the site of the nearest pumpkin weigh-off, or be
prepared for your man to organize one (the voice of
experience here. Bob organized the first ever Georgia
Pumpkin Weigh-off this year.)
4. Understand that as long as the monsters are growing,
vacations are only dreams. The plants take so much TLC
(water, monitoring, fungicide and stem covering) that even
24 hours away can lead to severe withdrawal symptoms for
your significant other.
5. NEVER mention the word Squash. The worst insult you can
give a pumpkin grower is to refer to his pumpkins as squash.
And remember you are not alone. Bob showed me an email for
a pumpkin grower who was soliciting other growers
(unbeknownst to his wife) for sites he could visit while he
and his wife were on their second honeymoon to Niagara
Falls.
Yours truly,
A Pumpkin Grower’s Lover (now that the growing season is
over)
Alice
P.S. Do you think an orange babydoll nightie would work?
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