Re: Pumpkin widow
I like it Alice, It's great
At 01:06 PM 09/06/1999 -0400, you wrote:
>Dear Lost and Nearly Abandoned,
>
>My husband started growing Giant Pumpkins this year, so I
>can empathize with your bewilderment. Pumpkin growing is an
>addiction, a consuming obsession that leaves no room for
>normal day-to-day pleasures like conversation that does not
>include mention of pumpkins or days that don't begin and end
>with a visit to the pumpkin patch.
>
>Because we in the South are blessed (pumpkin grower wife's
>opinion) or cursed (pumpkin grower's opinion) with a short
>growing season (it gets too hot too fast here), I have
>survived the first of many years of pumpkin mania. Here are
>a few hints that may help you:
>
>1. Make yourself a part of the weekly pumpkin measuring
>process. As the beasties get bigger, it takes a person on
>each side of the pumpkin to get accurate circumference,
>side-to-side and over-the-top measurements. It may be the
>only time that you are actually face to face with your man
>in daylight during the week.
>
>2. Learn to speak pumpkin. Color, size, estimated weight,
>genetics are all suitable topics of conversation. Even
>better, learn about the "masters" and their "children".
>Names like Greer, Mombert, Stellpflug, LaRue, Holland, Eaton
>and Zeir among others must become part of your vocabulary.
>
>3. Find the site of the nearest pumpkin weigh-off, or be
>prepared for your man to organize one (the voice of
>experience here. Bob organized the first ever Georgia
>Pumpkin Weigh-off this year.)
>
>4. Understand that as long as the monsters are growing,
>vacations are only dreams. The plants take so much TLC
>(water, monitoring, fungicide and stem covering) that even
>24 hours away can lead to severe withdrawal symptoms for
>your significant other.
>
>5. NEVER mention the word Squash. The worst insult you can
>give a pumpkin grower is to refer to his pumpkins as squash.
>
>And remember you are not alone. Bob showed me an email for
>a pumpkin grower who was soliciting other growers
>(unbeknownst to his wife) for sites he could visit while he
>and his wife were on their second honeymoon to Niagara
>Falls.
>
>Yours truly,
>
>A Pumpkin Grower's Lover (now that the growing season is
>over)
>
>Alice
>
>P.S. Do you think an orange babydoll nightie would work?
>
>
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>
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