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Re: Advice-totally off topic

I agree with Lynda. Having a child is a big step, whether by adoption or birth. The best foster parents I know bond with each child, without getting overinvolved. That is, they provide loads of love & structure, clear boundaries on behavior, but don't need to be a pal to the kids, or protect them from the consequences of their choices.
Come to think of it, that sounds like the succesful parents I know.
If you choose to adopt or foster, your life will change.
I have step kids & birth kids & I love them all. They have brought me joy and grief and continue to do so. You never stop being a parent. My 91 year old mom in law was worrying about her oldest son the week before her death. Not that she could solve his problems, but she still was concerned. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Lynda Young" <lyoung@grindertaber.com>
To: <gardenchat@hort.net>
Sent: Monday, December 29, 2008 6:28 AM
Subject: RE: [CHAT] Advice-totally off topic

All I can add is to try to clearly and logically think through all the
ramifications of taking this step, all the pluses and minuses of how your
life will change.  And then just trust your heart to lead you in the right

Zone 7 - West TN

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-gardenchat@hort.net [mailto:owner-gardenchat@hort.net] On Behalf
Of Pam Evans
Sent: Sunday, December 28, 2008 4:28 PM
To: gardenchat@hort.net
Subject: Re: [CHAT] Advice-totally off topic

I'm afraid I would be the least qualified person on this list to give advice
on this particular topic.  Though I admire greatly your initiative for
considering such a big step.
I couldn't do it, but you're not me.  This is an immensely personal

On 12/28/08, james singer <inlandjim1@q.com> wrote:

Heavy stuff Andrea. My first wife and I were both Depression
babies--we grew up in houses where non-kin strangers often sat across
from us at the dinner table. My mother must have fed half the hobos
who streamed through SoCal and Virginia's parents set up beds in their
garage so drifting families had a place to camp while they looked for

When half of Virginia's and my kids were teenage, we took in two other
teenagers--a sister and brother whose ages and sexes matched our two
They were not foster kids, they were just middle-class kids trying to
get away from abusive, alcoholic parents. So we gave them a place to
stay and food to eat. They were with us for about two years, then the
girl went away to college and the boy and our son went to Colorado to
try their hands at being ski bums.

It was probably easier for us because two our kids matched them in
ages and they all seemed to like one another. I can't imagine what it
would have been like if they had been damaged goods.

On Dec 27, 2008, at 2:54 PM, andreah wrote:

Because I value your opinions and experience, I would like some advice
all of you great people.

For a couple of years now I have considered off and on possibly
adopting or at least fostering a child. ONE child. I know my limits
and I do not think I could handle more than one. Also, I am speaking
of an older child. No babies.
If I wanted a baby I would have had one. Anyway-there are hundreds
that need homes just in S.C.

Recently, my consideration has taken a turn more towards a "I think I
really want to do this" attitude. I would like to have a family and I
don't think waiting around on a divorced man with children is the way
to go about it.
Anyway-I've spoken with some close friends who have three adopted
children and they've given me some great advice, but I value your
opinions as well.

At the moment I am not financially ready, even though I know the
state helps.
They help to the tune of about $300 a month here which is nothing.

So, advice, opinions, experiences, etc. All would be welcome, good or
bad, yes, or no.

I am giving myself a year to get ready. Unless I change my mind and I
don't think I will, hopefully by this time next year I'll at least be


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Inland Jim
Willamette Valley
44.99 N 123.04 W
Elevation 148'
39.9" Precipitation
Hardiness Zone 8/9
Heat Zone 5
Sunset Zone 6
Minimum 0 F [-15 C]
Maximum 102 F [39 C]

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Pam Evans
Kemp TX
zone 8A

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No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.552 / Virus Database: 270.10.1/1867 - Release Date: 12/28/2008 2:23 PM

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