Lawns
- To:
- Subject: Lawns
- From: H* a* J* J*
- Date: Fri, 10 Sep 1999 06:39:32 -0500
>/* This one I can really relate to! Have a great weekend! */
>
>"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store
>commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a
>lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope
>it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've
>come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle
>dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover
>that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed
>through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
>
>Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis
>about this:
>
>"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
>going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the
>dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
>perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type
>of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar
>from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and
>flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by
>now. But all I see are these green rectangles."
>
>"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
>started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to
>kill them and replace them with grass."
>
>"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
>butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
>temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want
>all that grass growing there?"
>
>"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
>green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
>any other plant that crops up in the lawn."
>
>"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really
>fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."
>
>"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
>sometimes twice a week."
>
>"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
>
>"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
>
>"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
>
>"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
>
>"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
>grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
>away?"
>
>"Yes, sir."
>
>"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
>on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
>saves them a lot of work."
>
>"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing
>so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
>can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
>
>"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
>sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
>leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In
>the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to
>keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus,
>as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a
>natural circle of life."
>
>"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
>circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
>and have them hauled away."
>
>"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
>winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"
>
>"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they
>call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
>leaves."
>
>"And where do they get this mulch?"
>
>"They cut down trees and grind them up."
>
>"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint
>Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
>scheduled for us tonight?"
>
>"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
>
>"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."
>
>Received from Ramona F Crain.
>
>-=+=-
>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------
To sign-off this list, send email to majordomo@mallorn.com with the
message text UNSUBSCRIBE PERENNIALS
